


Thursdays

by strawberrychocolate



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hwang Hyunjin Needs a Hug, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29914011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrychocolate/pseuds/strawberrychocolate
Summary: To most people, Fridays are a relief. The last day of the week, summoning the weekend. But where there is relief, there first must be suffering to be relieved from.That’s where Thursdays come in. Four days into a week full of school and work and stress, stress,stress. Four days of suffering. So close to a moment to breathe but still too far to get your head above the surface. Still too far from relief.And that’s exactly where Hyunjin was.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	Thursdays

To most people, Fridays are a relief. The last day of the week, summoning the weekend. But where there is relief, there first must be suffering to be relieved from. 

That’s where Thursdays come in. Four days into a week full of school and work and stress, stress, _stress_. Four days of suffering. So close to a moment to breathe but still too far to get your head above the surface. Still too far from relief.

And that’s exactly where Hyunjin was by the time Seungmin met him after school to take the bus back to the dorm. 

They didn’t always talk on the bus ride home, and when they did it was usually laid back, mindless chatter, especially on a tired day like Thursday. So, when Hyunjin stuffed his earbuds in his ears and slumped against the bus window, his face hidden under his hood, Seungmin didn’t give it a second thought, simply plugging in his own headphones and swiping through his DAY6 playlist. 

As the busy city streets flashed by in a blur past his face, Hyunjin tried to take a deep breath. He had nowhere he had to be until a group dance practice later that night, although he really ought to at least glance at his homework. He finally had a few hours to just _exist_ , and he couldn’t just let that opportunity pass him by. Not with how beaten down he felt. 

But somehow, he couldn’t get the breath to reach his lungs. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t felt way worse in the past, he tried to reason with himself. There had been countless nights, especially surrounding their debut, where Hyunjin had sat completely drained in a practice room, convinced that he’d never make it, that he was dragging the team down, that he wasn’t enough. And the same went for each and every one of the members. They’d all locked eyes with darkness at one point or another, but between their endless determination and the support they gave each other, they’d never been stuck there for too long. 

So, surely, now, on a slow Thursday afternoon, he should be able to just take a breath. 

But the blurry world flying past him made his head spin. And the rapper’s words in his ears reminded him of the flow he still hadn’t perfected in their newest song. And his school uniform was too stiff around his shoulders. And Hyunjin couldn’t.

He’d waited all week for this moment to breathe, and now it was slipping away. And that only frustrated him more. 

A small whine escaped his mouth, and Hyunjin bit his lip to silence it, leaning further into the window as if he could melt right through it. But between the bus ambience and his headphones, Seungmin hadn’t appeared to notice. 

Hyunjin spent the rest of the ride with his eyes squeezed shut and his fingers clenched tightly at the material inside his coat pockets, only moving when Seungmin nudged him to let him know it was time to get off. 

“I was going to make some food before dance practice,” Seungmin spoke up for the first time since they’d left the school building as they reached the dorm’s entrance. Hyunjin tried his best to tune back into reality from the stuffy, loudly muffled world he’d been stuck in, but the only thought on his mind now that they were home was _bed_. 

_Sleep_.

“Hyunjin?”

He startled, barely stopping himself from flinching. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I was going to make some food,” Seungmin explained patiently, with a glimmer of something Hyunjin couldn’t place in his eyes as they locked with his own. “Do you want me to make some for you, too?”

“Oh,” Hyunjin said dumbly, still feeling slightly suffocated and needing to just _go to bed now_. “Uh...no. That’s okay. I’m just, uh...gonna...” He gestured vaguely towards their room, wondering if he was ever actually fluent in Korean because words were suddenly _hard_. “Yeah,” he finished lamely, leaving Seungmin in the kitchen so he could make his way towards the comfort of hoodies and sweatpants and fleece blankets. 

Because maybe those would be his ticket to finally just letting go for a moment.

But even as he let his backpack slip haphazardly from his shoulder to the floor and changed his stiff uniform for soft, loose cotton, the thoughts in Hyunjin’s head swirled into the colors of the room, overwhelming him.

Even when he _finally_ dropped to his bed and let his head sink into the pillow, his body was too tense and his heart was thrumming wildly inside him as if telling him to get up, he wasn’t allowed to rest yet.

Except he _was_. 

That was the whole point. 

This was the time he was given to rest for half a second. And he didn’t have time to wait for whatever stubborn part of him was preventing him from doing just that to get with the program and chill the fuck out.

Hyunjin couldn’t tell how long he’d laid there, but what he did know was that the longer he did, the more pressure built up inside of him.

He ran his hands over his face and into his hair, gripping hard at the roots.

He couldn’t relax.

He rolled onto his side, curling into a ball.

He couldn’t breathe.

He sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and squeezing his eyes shut hard enough for the darkness behind his eyelids to transform into a purple and green haze.

He couldn’t _breathe_.

He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes as tears began to flow.

He wanted—

He just wanted—

Just—

“Hey, Hyunjin!” Seungmin called from outside the door, his footsteps quickly approaching. The door swung open, and Hyunjin drew in a sharp breath, choking down the sob that had been steadily rising in his throat. “Are you sure you don—” 

The words he’d been going to say disappeared as Seungmin took in the sight in front of him. 

Hyunjin was sat curled into himself on his bed, shoulders trembling ever so slightly with the tension of holding everything back. 

“Hyunjin…” Seungmin breathed. After a moment of considering whether he should give Hyunjin some privacy or move forward to try to comfort him, he took a step inside the room, pulling the door closed gently behind him and making his way quietly to the bed. “Hey,” he called softly, bending down to try to get a look at his face. 

Hyunjin just pulled his arms up to wrap around his knees, further hiding his face behind them.

“Hyunjinie,” Seungmin tried again, keeping his voice soft and what he hoped was comforting. “What’s wrong?” 

Hyunjin tried his very best to reel his emotions back in, but he knew it was a losing battle. At the sound of his friend’s gentle voice, the breath Hyunjin had been holding released, letting out a loud sob with it. He pressed his face impossibly further into his knees. 

“Hey, hey.” Seungmin ducked under the top bunk and settled himself in front of his crying friend. Going slow so as not to startle him, he gingerly placed his hands on Hyunjin’s arms, gently rubbing them when he didn’t pull away. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said in what was almost a whisper.

Hyunjin let the simple, comforting words wash over him. They weren’t enough to pull him out of whatever funk he was stuck in, but they dragged him back enough that he could think somewhat coherently. Enough that when Seungmin tugged at his wrists, he let him clasp their hands together. 

The warmth from Seungmin’s palms helped to ground him a little bit, and he squeezed their hands tighter together. Seungmin took this as a sign that he was getting through to him at least a little bit. So, as Hyunjin’s shoulders continued to shake with sobs, Seungmin rubbed his thumbs rhythmically across the backs of his hands, hoping to calm him down enough to figure out what was wrong. 

After a few moments, once the sobs had quieted a bit, Seungmin spoke again. 

“Hyunjinie. Do you think you can look at me?”

Nothing but a sniffle came from Hyunjin for a moment, and Seungmin thought that he’d refuse. But then Hyunjin wiped his face against the knees of his sweatpants and lifted his eyes to meet Seungmin’s. 

Seungmin gave him a small smile. “Hey,” he whispered. 

Hyunjin just sniffled in response, feeling unable to form words, much less sentences. 

“Why are you crying?” Seungmin asked, voice still soft in that breathy way that made it float over Hyunjin like a blanket. “What’s wrong, hm?”

Hyunjin tried to think of how to tell him that there was a pressure building inside of him that would explode if he left it too long.

How to tell him that his heart was beating as fast as if he’d just run a marathon. 

How to tell him that his untouched homework was screaming at him from his backpack on the floor.

How to tell him that his rap in their new song was all wrong, and he wasn’t good enough to get it right. 

How to tell him that the colors in the room were too bright and the bunk bed was too low.

How to tell him that all of these things were changing the air somehow, making it thinner and impossible to breathe.

“Hey.” Seungmin’s gentle voice floated into Hyunjin’s awareness, and he realized that he’d started crying heavily again. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“T-tired,” Hyunjin finally gasped out, letting his chin drop to his knees again.

“Hm?” 

“I’m… I’m s-so tired.” 

Seungmin hummed in understanding, encouraging Hyunjin to continue.

“I-I just… I wanted to just. Sleep a little. Before practice. I just…I’m so _tired_.”

“Okay,” Seungmin responded, giving Hyunjin’s hands a gentle squeeze. “What’s keeping you awake then?” 

“Just…” Hyunjin sniffled loudly, trying to hold back the sob building in his throat. “ _Everything_ … it’s so...everything’s so... _much_. E-everything’s just _too much_.” He pulled one hand out of Seungmin’s to poke aggressively at his own forehead. “It won’t sh-shut _up_.”

“Okay, okay,” Seungmin tried to soothe. He reached up to take Hyunjin’s hand back into his grasp again, holding their hands firmly in the small space between them. He intertwined their fingers and squeezed lightly, letting a few more sobs wash through Hyunjin before speaking again. 

“You’re too worked up to sleep now.” At this Hyunjin buried his face in his knees again with a cry. “But hey, listen,” Seungmin quickly added. “I think that was probably your problem in the first place.” With a sniffle, Hyunjin looked up again. “You’re stressed out. And you’re feeling really overwhelmed, yeah?”

Hyunjin nodded, wiping the tears steadily dripping down his face on the shoulder of his T-shirt. 

“As tired as you may be physically, your mind is too wired to let you sleep. You have to give yourself a chance to come down from the mental overdrive you’ve been under before trying to relax.” 

“But,” Hyunjin broke in tearfully, “I don’t know how. I tried, I even t-tried to… to take deep breaths.”

“Mm-hm,” Seungmin hummed. “That’s good.”

“But— But e-everything’s so _loud_. And I couldn’t _breathe_. It didn’t w-work. I c-can’t _breathe_ , Minie. I can’t—”

“Okay. Shh, it’s okay.” Seungmin tilted his head down to look Hyunjin in the eye, trying to make the expression on his face as comforting as possible. “Why don’t we try again, hm? Try to breathe with me, okay?”

For a moment, Hyunjin just looked into his eyes, wishing he could pull the calm and warmth from them into himself. Then, still sniffling, he nodded. 

“Yeah? Okay. Let’s take a deep breath in.” Seungmin pulled in a breath, letting his chest expand exaggeratedly. He rubbed his thumbs slowly up the sides of Hyunjin’s in time with his breath, smoothing them back down as he exhaled. 

Hyunjin’s shoulders rose shakily as he followed Seungmin’s example, but then he choked, letting it back out too soon. More tears welled up in his eyes, and his face crumpled again. 

“It’s okay, Hyunjinie. We’ll just try again, okay?” 

After a few more failed attempts, Hyunjin was feeling frustrated with himself and beyond tired. Why couldn’t he just sleep? Why couldn’t he just calm down? He felt so stupid. And now not only was he wasting his only free moment to relax, but he was using up Seungmin’s, too. 

His breathing stuttered once more, and Hyunjin snapped. 

He completely deflated, his chin falling harshly against his knees and his arms going limp as a fresh wave of sobs wracked through his body. 

“Hyunjinie, hey.” Seungmin’s voice came out weaker than before. A feeling of helplessness was creeping up on him as he watched his bandmate fall apart, unable to do anything to soothe him. He gripped Hyunjin’s hands harder as if tightening his hold would magically fix the situation.

Part of him wished that Chan or one of the other boys were home so they could take over for him, but at the same time, the thought of leaving Hyunjin’s side when he was like this was almost painful. At this point, Seungmin felt like he was going to need some comfort, too, whenever someone did come home. They all hated seeing any of their members hurting, and not being able to do anything but sit by and watch took its toll. 

“Hyunjinie.” The name fell from his lips, almost pleading with him to be okay. He’d never place any blame on him for feeling how he did, but that didn’t change how much he hated seeing their crazy idol life put so much pressure on him and his friends — his family — that they got to this point. 

“Shh, Hyunjinie. It’s okay. You’re okay.” 

Hyunjin’s frame just shook harder, Seungmin’s comforting words failing to reach him this time. 

Tears started to prickle at the back of Seungmin’s own eyes as he realized he’d lost him. He hadn’t been able to help at all. 

With nothing else he could think to do, Seungmin scooted closer and uncrossed his legs, caging them around Hyunjin’s curled-up form. He carefully unlaced their fingers and let Hyunjin’s hands fall into his lap, where they quickly fisted into the front of his hoodie, while he brought his own arms up to wrap around Hyunjin’s trembling shoulders. Hyunjin reacted immediately to the contact, seeming to melt into him, and Seungmin guided his tear-stained face into the crook of his neck with a gentle hand threaded in his hair. 

With nothing else to do, Seungmin just held him close, carding a hand through his hair, and wrapping himself around him as completely as possible as if to protect him from everything that had him so overwhelmed in the first place. 

They sat there together, only Hyunjin’s muffled sobs in Seungmin’s shoulder and Seungmin’s whispered reassurances to fill the silence.

Time floated away without measure, so when the sound of the front door opening reached them in the bedroom, Seungmin had no idea how long they’d been sitting there. By that point, Hyunjin’s cries had quieted considerably, so Seungmin could clearly hear the sounds of whoever had come home moving around inside the dorm. 

There was a soft thud of a bookbag hitting the floor, some shuffling from room to room, and some soft singing, and then the bedroom door was being opened. 

A blond head poked in, peeking around the door. 

“Oh, you guys _are_ here,” Jisung said, stepping further into the room. “I thought I saw your sh—” He cut himself off as he stopped in his tracks, wide eyes meeting Seungmin’s. “What happened?” he asked after a moment, lowering his voice.

“Hyunjin’s not feeling great right now,” Seungmin responded quietly. 

“Aw, Hyunjinie.” Jisung made his way over, and crouched next to the bed, reaching up to rub Hyunjin’s lower back. “What’s wrong?”

Without removing his arms completely, Seungmin pulled back a little from the embrace, turning his head to try to look at Hyunjin. But Hyunjin was having none of it, pushing his face further into Seungmin’s neck with a small whine, drawing chuckles from both of the other boys.

“Cute,” Jisung cooed, giving his back a final pat before standing back up. 

Hyunjin hardly registered Jisung leaving the room as he pulled himself impossibly closer to Seungmin, breathing in the scent of fabric softener and something else distinctly and inexplicably _Seungmin_ from where his nose was buried in his hoodie. 

After emptying himself of tears and with Seungmin’s warm presence encircling him, Hyunjin finally felt like he could breathe. And with his first real breath of the afternoon, Hyunjin sagged in Seungmin’s arms.

“Are you sleepy now?” 

Hyunjin could feel the words spoken softly into his hair, and he nodded.

“Finally tired yourself out with all that crying, hm?”

A small chuckle barely reached Hyunjin’s lips, and he nodded again. He let another deep breath flow through him before saying what he’d been unable to stop thinking about, even through all his crying. “I’m sorry, Minie.” His voice was just loud enough for Seungmin to hear, despite being muffled by his sweatshirt. 

Seungmin’s brows furrowed, and he gave Hyunjin a light squeeze. “Shush. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“But this is the only free time we get,” Hyunjin stuttered out, voice hoarse. “And you had to spend it sitting here with me because I couldn’t just calm dow—”

“Hey,” Seungmin interrupted. “None of that, okay? I didn’t have to, I _wanted_ to. Besides, it’s not your fault you’re feeling bad. It’s perfectly okay to need some support sometimes, and the other members and I are more than happy to give it. Okay?”

Hyunjin hummed into Seungmin’s shoulder, the guilt having not completely washed away but just enough for his heart to settle. “Thank you, then,” he murmured.

Seungmin gave him another gentle squeeze in response.

“Hey,” Jisung popped in the doorway again. “Doing okay in here?”

“Better,” was Seungmin’s simple reply.

Instead of crouching on the floor this time, Jisung took a seat on the edge of the bed, his hand returning to its spot on Hyunjin’s back. “Hyunjinie, I brought you some water.” 

Seungmin started to pull away again, and Hyunjin immediately clung closer to him.

“Hyunjinie,” Seungmin chided gently. “You’re going to get all cramped up if you stay like this any longer.”

Hyunjin grumbled quietly, but as much as he didn’t want to leave the warmth that had finally managed to calm him down, his throat _was_ dry and hoarse from all the crying.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jinie. I’m right here.”

With that, Hyunjin finally lifted his face from Seungmin’s sweatshirt, wincing at the wet spot he’d left on the shoulder. He brought his hands up to wipe any last traces of tears from his eyes as Seungmin maneuvered himself on the bed so that his back was leaning against the wall and then guided Hyunjin’s legs to straighten out over his lap. 

“Here.” Jisung set the glass of water into Hyunjin’s shaky hands, making sure he had a good grip on it before letting go and climbing up onto the bed to sit behind him. He brought his hands up to gently massage Hyunjin’s shoulders while he sipped the water, and after sitting curled up for so long, Hyunjin melted into the touch. 

His mind was much quieter now, _sleep_ being the most recurring thought, but he was still very aware of Seungmin sitting silently beside him. Hyunjin was feeling a lot better than before and was extremely grateful for the comfort he’d been given, but as exhausted as he was, he couldn’t help but worry about how his meltdown had affected Seungmin. 

Jisung’s hands sliding down his back and looping around his waist pulled Hyunjin from his thoughts. 

“How are you feeling?” Jisung asked him, hooking his chin over Hyunjin’s shoulder.

“Better.” He swallowed the last bit of water and reached down to place the glass on the floor. “Just sleepy now,” he added, the slow roll of his voice confirming the statement.

“Sleep then.” With the arms around Hyunjin’s waist, Jisung pulled him back against his chest. “We’ll wake you up when it’s time to go. Just get some rest, okay?”

Hyunjin placed his hands on top of Jisung’s over his torso and turned his face into the warmth of his chest. “Okay,” he mumbled, his eyelids already feeling heavy. 

His eyes closed, and his consciousness faded to the soft murmurs of conversation and the feeling of warm, nimble fingers massaging his legs. 

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Mm.”

A sigh. “If you bottle it up, you’re gonna end up just like this idiot here.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb, Minie. What’s up?”

…

…

“He couldn’t stop crying. And there was nothing I could do.”

“You were here for him. That’s already doing something.”

“But I couldn’t...All I could do was sit here and watch the stress tear him apart.” A sniffle. “It hurt to see him like that. Any of you. I don’t want any of you to feel like that. I wish there was more I could do for everyone.”

“Hey, listen. You don’t have to _do_ anything to take people’s pain away. Just being by our side is enough, yeah? And we’ll always be by yours, too.”

“Mm.”

“I know it hurts. But it always passes, you know?”

“Mm.” A sniffle. “Thanks, Sungie.”

A smile.

“Sungie, Hyunjinie,” a soft, deep voice called. “Minie, it’s time to wake up.”

A small hand rubbing his arm gently pulled Hyunjin from the depths of sleep, and he blinked open his eyes, squinting at the light. 

He was curled up against a warm chest, and his legs were tangled with someone else’s. There were arms around his waist that tightened when he shifted, and honestly, he was so comfortable and warm, he didn’t really want to move from their hold anyway. His eyes slipped shut again.

“Come on, Jinie,” the voice spoke again. The hand on his arm slid down to rub his back. “We gotta go soon.” 

The hand moved again from his back, and a few moments later, the arms around him tightened slightly before pulling away. Hyunjin let out a whine at the loss of warmth.

“Mm, sorry, Jinie,” Jisung’s rough, sleep-strained voice rumbled beneath him, and the arms returned, stroking up and down his back. “Looks like we gotta get up now.”

Hyunjin let himself bask in the comfort for a little longer before finally sitting up. Jisung followed, keeping one arm around Hyunjin to rub his back. 

Felix sat against the wall, his legs tucked underneath those of the two waking boys, and Hyunjin watched as his hand moved from Jisung’s leg to pet Seungmin’s head, which was resting on his shoulder. 

“Minie,” Felix called again. “You gotta wake up, or we’re gonna be late.”

As Hyunjin blinked the sleep from his eyes, he watched Seungmin stir awake, not missing the red around his eyes. 

“You guys ready to go?” Chan poked his head into the bedroom from around the door.

“Getting there,” chuckled Felix, wrapping his arms around Seungmin’s back for a quick squeeze before climbing over the tangle of limbs to get off the bed. 

Jisung and Seungmin quickly followed suit, leaving Hyunjin alone on the bed. He swung his legs over the edge to follow them, but his vision swam and he dropped his head in his hands.

“How are you feeling?” The bed dipped beside him, and a hand landed lightly between his shoulder blades. When he looked up, he was met with his leader’s kind face. “The others told me you weren’t feeling too hot earlier.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin said, trying to think of how to explain what had happened. “I just… I don’t know. I was just… stressed… I guess.”

Chan hummed in a way that told Hyunjin that he knew there was more to it than that but wasn’t going to push. Hyunjin was grateful.

“But I’m okay now, I think.”

He was answered with another hum. “Okay.” Chan gave Hyunjin’s back a quick rub before standing and offering a hand. Hyunjin took it and was surprised when once he was on his feet, he was immediately tugged into a warm embrace. “Just let one of us know if you need a break or a hug or anything at all, okay?”

Hyunjin hummed in agreement, allowing himself to melt into the hug for a moment before they had to pull away and get ready to go.

That night after dance practice, Hyunjin couldn’t help but be glad that the next day was Friday. The last day of the week. Almost the weekend. Relief.

This Thursday had been hard, as Thursdays often were. But his bandmates had been there to provide him some temporary relief, a favor he hoped he could return.

So if Hyunjin crawled into Seungmin’s bed that night after the latter had excused himself earlier than usual, no one had anything to say about it. Especially not Seungmin, who snuggled back into the arms that wrapped around him, letting the roles reverse as they drifted off towards Friday.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
